IT’S taken me about two years to say ‘yes’ to receiving a yoni massage from a professional, and honestly I still can’t actually believe I just paid an expert (a professional Tantric practitioner) to come into my room and ‘massage’ my vagina.
Hold on, keep calm, let me explain. I am a sexologist, so aside from the deep interest in this form of healing, I also feel it’s my duty to explore these alternative therapies so that I can report back to you.
So here it goes, I suggest grabbing yourself a cosy seat, a cup of tea (or some red wine…), this is some serious and sensual business.
First things first, yoni is the Sanskrit word for sacred cave/vagina. Yoni Massage, similar to a massage anywhere else in the body, releases tension. However because the yoni is one of the most intimate and powerful parts of the body it’s important that the massage follows certain guidelines — a ritual if you will.
Yoni massage is profound work. A Tantric tradition studied deeply and thoroughly. Professional practitioners should have years of experience and have studied with reputable organisations. A person interested in yoni massage should get a recommendation from someone who has received one, first hand. Do not go blindly into a consultation.
A few other important factors that make a yoni massage different from sex:
• No sex! The massage therapist is only there to give to the recipient. It is all about the person receiving the massage (it is rare for women to purely receive).
• There’s a strong focus on healing and holding space for whatever emotions come up so these can be felt and experienced.
• The intention of the massage is for healing, awakening and transformation.
• Clear intentions for both the receiver and the giver.
• Clear communication about boundaries and sensation.
• The space is set up as sacred.
So, I convinced myself that having this massage was the right thing for me to do for many reasons; as a society we’ve been suppressing the power of women’s sexuality for a long time. No more, I say.
It’s important that we heal and shift the traumas and experiences stored in our yonis, so we can make way for the flow of creativity and confidence.
The night before the massage I dreamt that we had started the yoni experience and got interrupted by an intense ocean storm. So I woke up feeling like I needed to have it.
So, finally there I was, opening my door (literally and metaphorically) to Tantric practitioner Mangala Holland from Mystic Sex.
Mangala set up the room, with a few candles and some sheets on the bed.
We talked about my intentions, anything I thought was blocking my sexuality, where I thought I needed healing (in what areas of my life), how my orgasms were or were not.
Then we did an undressing ritual. I took an item of clothing off and with each piece I dropped to the floor I said out loud something I wanted to let go of.
We then meditated together.
The massage always starts with a full-body oil massage. There is no touching of the genitalia until you are fully relaxed.
Then we had an intermission if you will. A toilet break, a little visit to the snack bar (kidding). When I came back from the bathroom, we changed positions and she sat between my legs, while I wrapped them around her.
Mangala then asked if she could touch my yoni (externally). I agreed.
Then after some external massage she asked permission to enter my yoni or something similar. I agreed.
From here Mangala used certain techniques to stimulate and massage my yoni, she felt for tension like any other trained massage therapist and from there with my full permission she worked into these areas, asking me to breath and make sound accordingly.
For a lot women big change and liberation lies in connecting to breath and sound. We hold back so much in our day to day lives that just this as part of the ritual is transforming. For me, I practice making sound as much as I can throughout the day. And even still I found myself not fully able to let go.
At times, I felt sad, at times I felt orgasmic energy through my whole body, at times my whole arms went numb, at times I felt like I was meditating.
The people who I’ve told, generally want to know if I had some mind-blowing orgasm.
This practice for me ended up being one that was quite Tantric; essentially I worked on bringing the orgasmic energy up through my body, to revitalise my energetic body (my chakras) and to connect to my heart.
Afterwards I felt reassured. I felt like I understood my body, my vagina and my sexual fingerprint more than ever (I know too that the growth won’t stop here) and there were points where I know I could of let go more … maybe in the future.
The following day after the massage, I felt emotional. All day. I even felt weird about the experience. The whole experience seemed quite unbelievable and surreal.
I think this work is really important. I think there is a special type of person that can offer this work and hold this space. I think we all deserve to feel pleasure and that we need to also teach our youth about the value of pleasure and self-respect.
We’ve got a long way to go, but times are changing and we know that the change starts with the self.